The Fool On The Hill

Shocking News from Tele 5 - one of the most popular TV channels in Spain - has managed to surprise the entire nation and finally produce what can be called an intelligent program. Obviously running short of ideas on which shouting celebrity to pit against which from the next 4 hours and who to hound with their irritating little mobile cameras they have finally done what they are supposed to be doing - producing TV programs.

Although still obviously fixated with their cameras, hidden or otherwise, the new daily program ( OK, its been going for a few weeks now ) is called Camera Cafe and contains clever, comical, cynical sketches all taking place in your everyday office. The camera in question is placed inside that focal point for all office gossip, the Cafe Machine and each sketch is played out in front of the machine. The cast contains the complete cross-section of the office world that one would expect to find. The nerd, the blond bimbo, the flashy man-about-town, the little guy with appalling ties, the hapless boss, the power-hungry female, the queer, the officious chauffeur, the IT boff, and many more including my favorite, the clueless hippy.

Being only a forty-minute program and containing only one ( sorry make that two) commercial breaks lasting a total 13 unlucky minutes, its possible to watch without lossing the plot halfway through which is the only challange usually provided by the channel. Of course, being a series, the same characters appear daily so we can all remember their names.

This may not sound very important, but with Spanish TV it is. In fact its possible to adequately determine your memory powers simply by watching TV. Try watching one of the many films shown daily. Once settled in with the beverage of your choice and having adjusted the cushions to your liking, the first thing you will notice is that while you thought the film has started, it really hasn't started at all. In fact they're going to piss you around for another 10 minutes and try to sell you more stuff.

The film will continue in this irritating vein for the next 3 hours ( you soon learn to understand the strange riddle of how can a 2 hour film last 3 hours ) all the while taxing your determination and staying power. Every exciting moment will be interrupted in mid-sentence by a commercial of someone trying to sell you a car ( or whatever) and this will be followed by another twelve or fifteen minutes if you are really unlucky, of similar mind-blowing opportunities of spending your cash.

Some people, I am sure, actually watch commercials. In other countries where they are more concise they can be indulged in and enjoyed. But in excess they are obviously taking the piss. Now so much a commercial break, more like the time to wash the car or read another chapter of that book your reading and there are times when you begin to question whether the adverts are the real program or the other stuff in between.

As a quick comparison with other countries, in England its possible to nip out to the kitchen, boil that kettle and make yourself a cup of proverbial tea while the ads are on. In Spain, one can make a coffee, including grinding your favorite beans, and while its brewing on the stove, wash yourself down in a cooling shower, dry yourself off and on your return cup in hand you will find the commercials are still running. That at least allows you to open the paper and remind yourself what exacting you were watching all that time ago.

It soon becomes pretty obvious of course that the main reason the existence of Tele 5 is not to provide you with a challange or anything that will serve to tax you too greatly. Its wall-paper TV and its aim is to make money. Its the top channel for ads. Figures recently released by TNS sofres show that in 2005 it showed a massive 266, 628 commercials lasting a mind-boggling 84,469 minutes - a full 58 days worth of commercials. Thats about a fifth of a year and sadly an increase over previous years.

The law allows a maximum of 12 minutes per hour but this is obviously calculated over a 24 hour period as I've never seen a daytime hour with only 12 minutes of ads. And this doesn't include the new idea of a sales pitch performed by the TV presenters as part of a program and by sponsorship ads at the beginning of program.

It's all a clear demostration of the regretable materialistic world we live in and one that is increasing impossible to avoid.